" Excuse me. I am eating a pear."

New York Times Magazine phone service is a vortex of thinking answerphones. It's proof in the pudding we're not nearly as close to 1984 as some would like to think: the beast just doesn't work. You have to leave a voice message detailing the name of the person you are trying to call. Rediculous. Just like calling up the cinema service and shouting 'Petersfield, Hampshire' down the phone line, and the voice keeps reading: 'I heard Lecister Square. Let me connect you.' *fume*. 

Eventually I get through to the arts editorial dept. I give my schpeel about a manuscript teaser the agency would like to see published before they release the whole book. The man on the other end inturrupts the last quatriane of my monologue with a "muugh. phew!" [very long pause] "Excuse me. I am eating a pear. *Long sigh* Ohh Kayy. Let's rewind that." I re-explain, then, because it's the end of the day, I start nattering on about how it's good to finally speak to an actual voice, as I'd been lost on the automated phone service for what felt like forever. His reply: "Oh my god you were only lost for ten minuets. Is that ALL? usually it's about TEN years." So luckily he's in a good humor, and as gatekeeper to the editors I need that can only be a good thing. "Well. Lets see...in arts  you've got the Daily Arts section, the seprate Daily Review,  supplement, the Weekend Magazine which is out on Sunday, the Review Section for the magaine, the Culture Daily section within the main newspaper, and the Friday Magazine plus the review section within that...which one were you thinking of?"

"um. ah."

"III would say go for the Magazine?(the weekend one that is)"

"Lovely"

So. Let me try and find someone nice for you to talk to there.[pause for dramatic effect]. Let me se- oh here's a number. This is for the associate managing director. Let me give you the details. Now don't think for a moment you're going to escape the voicemail: you are going to have to stay lost in the machine. I'm sorry.It's awful, I know". It was such a completely different world from

''Hello.''

''Hi, yeah, I um, I was wondering if this is the right number for -''

''No. Ma'am.''

''Ha...Oh. Well, could you possibly put me throu-''

 *Hang up*

- that it stuck in my mind. For once there was a personality down the end of the telephone. Not only that, but said human was in a good humor. Incredible.